Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only new mama out there who misses having lots of time for creativity.
I see a lot of advice for new moms about life balance. When I was the super-newest of new moms, doing things like sleeping when my baby sleeps and being sure to hand off the baby to someone for an hour now and then to take a shower were important things to remember, and honestly about all I could manage in terms of life balance. Thankfully, though time and energy are still in short supply, I’m a bit beyond that point now.
I also see a lot of advice about the importance of nurturing your relationship with your spouse or partner by having dates and intimate time– also very important. And I see the occasional advice about being sure to take the occasional afternoon for some self-pampering, such as a massage or pedicure. And everyone tells new moms that they need to get enough exercise. And yet, I don’t see as much advice about nurturing my creativity or my intellect. I guess that it’s easy to deprioritize that in the midst of all the other self-care that’s already so very hard to find time for.
For me, a critical part of taking care of myself as a person is making time for both creativity and intellectual stimulation. Intellectual stimulation mostly comes from my work… writing and reading about productivity and time management and conducting coaching sessions with my clients. I do try to read stimulating things outside those areas, but it’s relatively easy to do that in small chunks. Also, my social media feeds generally provide me to links galore to intriguing articles about science, philosophy and other thought-provoking topics. I only read a few of them, usually while rocking A to sleep on my shoulder at night, but it feels like enough most of the time.
Feeding my creativity is harder. We are still having a lot of sleep challenges, and my creativity tends to wither up anyhow when I’m seriously underslept. Still, if I don’t immerse myself in the flow of music, dance or art now and then, I become sad. A subtle but increasingly draining feeling begins to seep through me, and sometimes it’s difficult to untangle that creative malaise from other kinds of exhaustion or stress. If I start to feel like that, I give myself the gift of ten minutes of dance downstairs in our rec room. Usually that peps me up. It can be terribly hard to get started, but once I do, it helps.
But for me the most soulfully rejuvenating creative act is to play my hand drum in a group with other drummers, musicians and dancers, and to dance in community drum circles. So, my husband and I make a point of prioritizing a solo outing for me once every month or two, and I go out on my own to drum and dance for a few precious hours.
My favorite drum circle happens on the first Saturday of the month, and unless baby A has had a particularly awful night of sleep on the evening prior, I usually go. When I come back from drumming in community, I am filled with light and delight. Empty places in me that I hadn’t even fully sensed are filled and the energy of sheer joy can flow unimpeded through my body. I am giddy with delight for days after I go to a drum circle, and incidentally, that happiness bubbles up and flows over into how I interact with A and with my husband. So while I do it for me, and feel no qualms about focusing on my self in that way, I know that it benefits us all.
I am also teaching A to drum, sing and play maracas, incidentally… and he just loves it. Taking a few minutes to play a djembe drum with him or shake some maracas to a beat is joyful for us both, and he loves getting to play with mama’s toys. Maybe someday he’ll share this interest with me, or even just learn from watching me how much creative pursuits can increase personal happiness.
Do you have a creative or intellectual interest that you make a priority for yourself, or want to start making a priority? How do you make time for creativity as a busy parent?
Image above by Jon Nicholls used under Creative Commons License.
Thekla, glad to hear you’re getting out for a little drumming and dancing. Taking time for your creative endeavors will actually make you a better mother! AND keep you sane!
Thanks for stopping by Jean! It can be hard to fit in but it’s totally worth it
I’m finally reading again…and by that, I mean that I’m reading non-baby related books again…that’s as far as I’ve got so far and as far as I’m likely to get before baby 2 arrives in august! (jennifer harris)
At Jennifer, yay reading! I like to read on my iPhone while A nurses, and I’ve actually read quite a lot of books that way. I imagine that will be a bit more challenging when you are nursing baby 2 while often engaging J as well
Thanks for the reminder that moms have brains that need nourishing just as much as our hearts and bodies do.
Vera, yes! Though sometimes it doesn’t feel like I have a brain after a bad night of off and on “sleep”
Such a great topic!
I used to think I didn’t have enough time for creativity before I had a child. Somehow, though it’s more challenging to find it now, I am more creative than I’ve ever been.
I think music is such great thing to pursue when you have a kid. I decided to get more serious about singing when my son was two. I tape music that I’m learning on my kitchen cupboards and in my bathroom, and I practice while doing dishes, cooking and giving the kid a bath. Whenever I tried to use my keyboard, my son wanted to play too, so I got him his own. When he was a little older, and I was practicing sight-singing with an online program, he was fascinated and sat on my lap, singing along and learning how music notation works.
I’m also thrilled that my local YMCA is now offering a belly dancing class. They provide childcare while you’re in class or working out, and my son loves it there, so it makes us both happy and I don’t have to feel guilty.
Getting him involved in other projects is some times the only way I can do them. When I wanted to make a guitar, he was so excited about it, I ended up making one for him first, and put him to work sanding and filing. When I want time to sew, I make him something small, like a hand puppet and let him operate the foot pedal. If I do this first, he will eventually move on to playing with something else and I can do the more detailed sewing for myself while he’s occupied.
Finding time to write has been a big challenge. I’ve found small scraps of time in the early morning, late at night, or while he’s playing on the playground. Making up bed-time stories for him on the fly has sparked my creativity in new directions, and I am planning on putting together a story book for/with him. Kids are so naturally open and creative, that if you go with it instead of trying to struggle to find “alone time” your creativity may lead you in a different directions, but you’ll have a lot of fun and be inspired.
Catherine, I love these ideas of how you involve your son in creative endeavors that you both enjoy. Doing things together and not just on your own makes a lot of sense because not only does it let you have more time to be creative, but also it’s so awesome to get to share things like that. That’s so cool and I can’t wait till A is big enough to do more of that! We do enjoy our drumming and signing time for now though
I didn’t have a terrible time when I only had one – but I also stay at home full time and was lucky to have an easy going baby the first time out. I did give up dance classes and theater for things more easily done at home and in smaller chunks of time.
Having number two around has been more of a challenge (he’s been a more challenging child all around). Number two recently turned three, and I’m looking forward to having more time when he goes to school.
Perhaps the hardest part for me has been dealing with my own guilt about my poor housekeeping. It’s hard to not feel judged with my house always in chaos and having only a pile of never done projects to show for it.
Lainey, our house is generally pretty messy too! I think it’s important to make a conscious choice about standards there. When we invite new stuff (like kids!) into our lives, we have to let some other things go. Housekeeping is a common and valid choice… up to a point. If others are judgmental about that, I think it says more about them than anything else.
I do make it a priority to keep our house reasonably clean, though it’s certainly not stellar. I know though that I’m doing that for my own quality of life, not for someone else. For me, having the kitchen pleasant to work in, ample clean dishes and laundry, and a reasonably decluttered (other than baby toys!) living room make a huge world of difference in my own personal happiness as I move through the day, spending so much time at home. But I’m sure lots of other people would see our house as messy. It’s my family’s house though, so whether it works for us is what really matters in my opinion.
Maybe a topic for another post!